yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
