He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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