I skipped work to stalk him.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
