We're facebook friends in real life
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
