In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
