I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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