I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
