Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
