he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
