I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
