You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
