I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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