Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
