I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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