What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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