you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize