I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
