Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
