think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You can't special order awesome
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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