Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
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I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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