so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
