I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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