I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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