My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
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I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize