No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
