I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
