he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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