If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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