I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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