this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
