So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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