but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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