The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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