In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
