what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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