I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
