we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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