He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You're like the curious george of whores
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
