What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
