no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize