After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
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He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
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I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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