what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
