I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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