He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
