I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
