Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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