I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize