Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
