Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize