The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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