Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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