so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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