I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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