i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
