this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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