Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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