I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
