y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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