The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
