I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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