And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
