The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize