maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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