The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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