i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
