There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
