If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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