Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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