maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
