he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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