i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
