So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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