sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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