Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
