Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
