i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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